Roomate for Life

Living with another person is not easy. Yes, you long-married people are nodding your heads knowingly, I'm sure. Despite the fact that Satyajit and I just celebrated our first anniversary, we have only been together continuously for the past five months. And that too under very difficult and sad circumstances. We've both had to deal with loss, he's dealing with major changes in his life which have just happened and are just about to happen - and I've had to stay in a foreign country, a foreign family and a foreign language. Not easy. On top of that, we've had to get used to each other.

Overall, I don't think I'm a very difficult person to live with. I just don't like staying up too late, I like to eat healthy (and want other people to as well), I don't mind things getting messy as long as we clean it up regularly, and I get cranky if I don't get enough exercise. I also panic very quickly if things start to go wrong in the kitchen. (I'm not the greatest cook!)

One the other hand, the love of my life doesn't mind healthy things as long as they are in moderation, and simply cannot sleep early. He does keep things pretty neat though, which is good. But maybe the hardest thing about living with him is that he is almost supernaturally calm. His aunt, in fact, calls him a penguin: "always cool". That confident serenity of his is sometimes an anchor to me, and sometimes incredibly irritating. But overall, I think it's good for me.

As an example, we have recently started cooking together. We mostly cook on Sundays, the "non-veg" day in our house. Incredibly I've found that preparing chicken or mutton is actually much easier than some of the "simpler" food - vegetables and dals, etc. One day I tried to make the easiest dish in the world - potatoes. Just simple stir-fried potatoes with a little masala. Well I made them a little too well-done and, in my usual way, flung myself into a black cloud of despair over it. Satyajit came up to me in the kitchen and said, you go and I'll just finish them up. Don't worry, he said, they will be fine. I come back twenty minutes later and he says in the same calm voice, I think we need to throw out the potatoes. What? Have a look, he says. The potatoes had gone from well-done to a shriveled mass of unrecognizable shape and color. Surprisingly, though, they still tasted pretty good. (I ended up eating the unburnt bits.) This story is actually an exception, though, because most of the things we have made together have come out really well, mostly because we can balance my over-perfectionism and his relaxed creativity.

So, even though our first year of marriage was nothing like what I expected or wanted...we managed to have some good times anyway. We've used our current impermanent situation as an excuse to do a little traveling, and I've gotten to know my extended family of in-laws pretty well, and many of his friends, too. I've also discovered that the only game I can win against him is Scrabble. (I can't even beat him at Connect Four!) Real life I'm sure will invade soon enough with its routine and responsibilities...but even that, together, will I think be both fun and, sometimes, maddening :)

turtles can fly

one of the things about newly living with your spouse is getting to know and/or learning how to put up with all the things they love. my husband is crazy about movies, comics, and rock. comics i am indifferent about, and i'm sorry but megadeth just sounds like noise to me...but i don't mind watching movies. yes, he wants to watch them almost every evening, and not just the usual hollywood/bollywood flicks, but a lot of stuff i've never heard of as well. but when it comes to cinema, being exposed to different things is a good thing.

the title of this post is a movie we have yet to watch, it's been on our list of things to do for the past week and i have no doubt we'll get to it very soon. it seems like it will be very interesting; it's about children living in a refugee camp just before the U.S. invaded Iraq. definitely not a film i would have heard about on my own. not every movie we've watched have i liked, but some have also been incredible.

one of the best movies i have ever seen, which a friend of ours has described as "God-sent" is akira kurosawa's "red beard". what an amazing movie. the story is about a young doctor who has just finished his medical training, and instead of being sent to a cushy job as a lord's physician, has been sent instead to a poor clinic run by the intimidating character of "red beard". although the doctor is there to learn about medicine and healing, the real story is about the dignity of human life. definitely one of the few films i have ever seen that is worth the time spent watching it.

another of these "God-sent" movies is "children of heaven", an iranian film from the late 90's. there are very few movies like this: without any glitz or glamour, with an absolutely simple, realistic story and acting that is sweet and natural. this is a movie that reminds you of the innocence of childhood even when the world around children is not innocent or even kind. and it's about the relationship between a brother and sister. absolutely beautiful.

of course not every movie we've watched together has been this good. the first movie we saw together was "the marine". it was on his first visit to the U.S. i took him to downtown silver spring and since he was visiting for the first time i let him choose the movie. he chose this one because john cena was in it - i had no idea who john cena was. if i had known then that he was a WWE wrestler and not an actor, i would have been more prepared for absolute lameness of both the story and the "action". but it's ok, we had a good time anyway.

after that we've come along way. other movies we've seen together have included: life in a metro, jodhaa akbar, the dark knight (twice - he wanted to watch it a third time as well), persepolis, breathless, singh is kinng, rock on, the gods must be crazy, the gods must be crazy part 2, taare zameen par, the first two parts of the decalogue, the mummy: tomb of the dragon emperor (a waste of time), little miss sunshine, holy smoke! (very weird), dil se..(my second time, his millionth), mamma mia!, jannat, and probably a few more that i can't remember. this may not sound like a lot but then again most of these have been in the past two months! so while i sometimes get annoyed how he his glued to his computer screen while reading comics online, i do enjoy sharing at least one of these interests. and one thing i can guarantee about our married life is: there are a lot more movies to come.

english to english translations

one of the best things about India is the fact that quite a few people are fluent in english. so, even if you don't speak any of the other languages, you can still get by. i have noticed however, that the english here isn't exactly the same one that i'm used to. some differences seem to come from the "british" vs. "american" variations of english, but some words just seem to be unique to modern urban indian culture.

here's a list of words translated from american to indian english:

• trash can = dustbin
• glasses = specs
• elevator = lift
• bathroom/restroom = bathroom/washroom/loo/toilet
• cell phone = mobile or cell
  
• q-tips (what are they supposed to be called?) = earbuds
• cookies = biscuits
• stuffed animals (yes i bought one here) = soft toys
• peanuts = groundnuts
• line (where you stand to wait for something) = queue
• crosswalk = zebra crossing
• shrimp = prawns
• bell peppers = capsicum
• business cards = visiting cards
• flip-flops = slippers
• classes = lectures (well sometimes we call them lectures too)
• grades (as in first through twelfth) = standards
• grades (as in A through F) = marks
• sneakers/tennis shoes = sports shoes
• last name = surname
• soccer = football
• yogurt = curd
• sidewalk = footpath
  
• ketchup = sauce (plus all other sauces)
• pots/pans = vessels
• gas (as in gasoline) = fuel/petrol/diesel
• restaurant = hotel (also used for a hotel where you stay)
• living room = hall
• hall = corridor
• club soda = soda (not all soft drinks)
• bracelet = bangle or a (chain link) bracelet, they are not both bracelets
• okra = lady's fingers
• eggplant = brinjal
• stress/worry = tension (i know we say tension too but not as much as we say worry or stress)
• bike = motorbike (not either a motorbike or a bicycle. a bicycle is a cycle)
  

a few other differences. in the U.S. the ground floor and the first floor are usually the same thing. here there is a ground floor, and then the first floor, second, and so on. so what we usually consider the second floor is the first floor over here. also, people do not say cool as much as americans do. i've heard it a few times but if something is good, it's good, or nice, or great, or even awesome, but not cool so much. taxis/cabs are the same, and also exist here in the cities, but there's also another whole set of "taxi-like transportation" which are rickshaws. in mumbai they only have the autorickshaws - also called autos, three-wheelers, or ricks. in delhi they still have the older rickshaws which is basically a tiny carriage attached to a guy on a bicycle. rickshaw. i'm glad those are not here in mumbai, but the autos are very useful for traveling distances that are too far to walk but not so far you'd want to take a train or a bus. anyway i digress. another difference is that the short form of mathematics is "maths". not "math". i guess the plural makes sense but it sounds weird to me. and another thing unique to this place is calling everybody "boss". your actual boss you'd probably just call "sir" or "madam" (not their first name) but in mumbai at least, any random stranger or guy working in a shop (oh yeah not a store, a shop) could be addressed as "boss". i can't say that's the most respectful way you'd address someone though, so if you're not a native mumbaikar, don't try it.

some of these differences are cool (ha!) or just strange, but one thing i like is the common answer for almost any question you could think of, as to why things are the way they are: "just like that!"

here comes the rain again

so this is my first time experiencing the rainy season in india. it's actually been raining less than i expected. i had imagined three months of steady rain, without any breaks or bursts of sunshine in between. thank goodness that is not how it's really been; otherwise i'd be suffering from vitamin D deficiency or seasonal depression. but actually, i love the rain. i find it really beautiful: the way it make the air fresh and cool, makes the plants and trees greener and the way everything glistens.

it does rain pretty often, but not all day everyday. it rains most days, and the most interesting thing about the rain here is how suddenly it comes and goes. at home, i generally had a good idea of when it was about to rain. the clouds would come in, and even before that often you could feel the wetness in the air - smell it even. here, there are no such warnings. it's always humid so the air feels wet all the time, even when it's sunny outside. and clouds do not meander in. they suddenly darken the sky, it bursts into rain, and then it could last for five minutes or the rest of the day. there's just no telling.

some people don't like the rain at all - it can be inconvenient. if it rains a lot, the already bad traffic gets worse, plus you have to carry an umbrella everywhere, and your feet will still probably get wet anyway. but for me those things haven't affected me - much - and am glad for the rain as it keeps the bombay heat at bay. for now at least.

health for the public

as you all know, i’ve recently completed a masters in public health. however, i haven’t had a whole lot of experience in actually practicing public health; whether in research, implementation, or advocacy. in the beginning of my studies i was gung-ho about wanting to be a field worker and a manager of a public health program. but during my very last term i took a class in public health policy – which is basically advocacy to the government, and i realized that this too is a way that an individual or group can make changes that impact a lot of people’s health.

while i’m in india, i’m hoping to get some kind of experience here, while still having plenty of time to spend with my family. not an easy prospect, since most of the NGOs (non-governmental organizations) i’ve found are quite far-off and i’d have to do a lot of traveling which would eat up my day. however, through a contact at Johns Hopkins, i came to know of an NGO in Pune whose director has agreed to give me work that i could mostly do from home – writing and documentation. however, he first wanted me to come visit their office and see their organization in action.

so last sunday i called up my husband’s masi (maternal aunt) in pune and asked if i could stay at her place for a few days. she not only graciously agreed, but really took care of me while i was there - cooking me wonderful dishes, taking me out for my birthday, and spending a lot of time just chatting with me. half the fun of the visit was spending time with her! when satyajit and i first decided to get married, i hardly realized that i’d be getting much more than just a husband. i’d be getting - along with another set of parents and siblings - a wide array of aunts, uncles, cousins and even a grandmother. considering that i barely knew my own grandparents, having one now is really wonderful.

so monday morning i nervously walked into the office of IHMP and met with the director and about half of the people who work with him. IHMP was first a rural-based NGO, working primarily in the villages of Maharasthra. they have several projects they work on, including women’s reproductive health, sanitation in villages, and also, because they are such a well-established organization, training and empowering other NGOs in the state. now they also have an urban center in Pune where they work in the slum areas (vastis) of the city. i think most of their staff are still in the rural areas, but there are quite a few in Pune as well.

one of their biggest projects is a program they have developed in both the urban and rural areas. in each of the villages or slum districts, they have a community health worker – someone who lives in the community and has been trained by IHMP, to do surveillance and education on both reproductive health and HIV/AIDS among the women in their communities. for example, there are 29 slums in Pune – so 29 health workers (all women) who live in and work in their own communities. they conduct home visits, educate women about proper prenatal care (sometimes just encouraging the women to eat three meals a day!) , recording health data about the women, checking each pregnant woman for infections or anemia (and referring them to primary care if any health issues come up). they also educate each woman about HIV and provide practical guidance and advice about getting tested. (IHMP has testing centers and counselors as well.)

these health workers keep track of all the women in their communities, but also have a special focus on MAGs – married adolescent girls. while the legal age for marriage in India is 18, many women in poorer/less educated areas (such as the villages and urban slums) get married much younger – as young as 13! of course these girls have much higher risks for adverse reproductive health outcomes. overall the goal of IHMP is to increase the age at marriage and the age at first pregnancy of these women, thereby preventing low birth weight infants and maternal complications. the community health workers serve as health educators, advocates and role models to the other women in their communities.

i visited one slum area of Pune, Sharadnagar, while i was visiting IHMP. i walked around with the health worker of this district, Sangeeta Pardhe, as she conducted several home visits. i saw her speaking to several MAGs, checking for anemia, encouraging them to eat properly, and recording their health information in her register. i also watched as she sat with one woman and conducted a mini-course on what HIV: what it is, how it is transmitted, how it is not transmitted, and how and where to get tested. all this in very simple language and clear language. (even me being an absolute novice in Marathi could follow what she was saying.) i was really impressed with the program overall and with the dedication of these health workers. in fact, Sangeeta had received the National Woman Exemplar of the Year Award in 2006, handed to her by Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. when i visited her house, she showed me the award and the newspaper clippings of this story. it's women like her who are the true leaders of public health.

may the festivals begin

being in india at this time of year, i'm told, is a very good thing. i’m experiencing the rainy season for the first time in my life, which i will probably write more about later. also, i will experience the festival season. there are many festivals that are celebrated here, all year long, but the end of august into september to october, which would be autumn at home, is when all the biggest and most exciting festivals happen. for the first time i'll be here to witness them.

it started yesterday with janmashtami, the birth day of krishna. there is a very interesting tradition that happens here on this day each year - the dahi handi. that is a clay pot filled with dahi (yogurt/curd), decorated and strung up on a rope. the height of this rope varies; in some places its just a few stories high, but i've heard in other places, such is in mumbai proper, it's strung between buildings, reaching seven or eight stories high. teams of people (who have practiced all year for this) create human pyramids so that someone can reach the top and break the handi. the motivation is a cash prize to the team that succeeds, which can be quite a lot of money depending on the location and how high the handi is.

my aunt-in-law told me that when my husband was a child, his dad and the other parents in the neighborhood used to put up a much lower handi, so that all the kids in the area could climb on top of each other to break it. satyajit remembers that time fondly – we fell and got bruised, he said, but it was great fun. that story reminded me of halloween and the crowds of kids that used to go trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.

i also wondered what happens if no one can reach the pot – well apparently as the day goes by it gets lowered a bit, so that finally someone can break it before midnight.

yesterday i saw a lot of these teams here in navi mumbai. they were crowds of guys in matching t-shirts riding buses to get to the places where the handis were strung up. apparently there are teams of girls as well, although they are rarer. i saw a few teams earlier in the day that made the attempt but did not reach. one team could not even get their top guy up, they all kept slipping and so gave up. but finally in the night we went out again to watch and at last a i saw a team reach the top and succeed.

crowds of people gather to watch these attempts, there’s music and dancing, and a guy with a hose sprays water on each team after they try. i’ve heard that actually they are supposed to pour water on them while they climb up, to make it harder. and since this is the rainy season, it could have been even more slippery if it actually been raining yesterday. lucky for them, it wasn’t.
overall it was a wonderful thing to watch although i did worry a bit too. i didn’t see anyone get hurt myself but i’m sure there are lots of bruises and minor injuries that happen on this day each year. but as i said these teams do practice and it’s a lot of fun watching them climb up. you do have to wait around if you want to see a team try, because they climb up very quickly, and climb back down even faster. the whole thing happens in just a few minutes. i missed most of the ones that happened yesterday in our area, but i’ve put up the pictures of the team i managed to catch last night that actually did climb up and break the handi.

a taste of africa

people who know me know that there are really only two things i drink a lot of – water and tea. one of the things i miss about my old job at hopkins is doing a “me latte" run with my co-workers, usually for a tall cup of british breakfast with milk. in fact one of my biggest regrets about living in the u.s. is the lack of availability of a good cup of chai. on the other hand, there’s plenty of starbucks’ “chai lattes”.

in india, however, i lack for nothing when it comes to caffeinated pleasures. chai is not just readily available, it’s ubiquitous. and the coffee! though indifferent to it in america, i constantly crave it here, and suggest a visit to cafe coffee day every time satyajit and i go out. i would gladly replace every starbucks on the planet with a cafe coffee day. it’s just too wonderful. in the heat of summer, go there and try a kaapi nirvana, a cold drink made with delicious indian filter coffee. or do as i did today and watch the rains over a cup of ethiopian qahwah. it’s the best coffee i’ve ever tasted – incomparibly rich and smooth. i’m already thinking of when i can go back and have another cup.

on my first visit to mumbai last year, satyajit took me out on my last night before i was to fly back home. it was the night of our engagement party. we left our own event a little early and went out for a movie - “life in a metro”. after that, despite the lateness of the hour, we decided to drive all the way across town to south bombay, to the taj hotel. there we had the tastiest, most expensive, and most romantic cappuccino we’d ever had. we finally came home at four in the morning, and actually got in trouble for neglecting to inform anyone we’d be out so late, and for not answering repeated calls on satyajit’s mobile – as he’d accidentally dropped it in the car. his parents had stayed up waiting for us, angry and worried.

and yet now i remember that incident with fondness, because things have changed so much since then. i’d give anything for my father-in-law to be home waiting for me on the steps of the house, even if it was with a reprimand. (although to be honest he was only really angry at satyajit, and only really worried for me.)

now my visit is entirely different. so far i’ve been staying at home all day, exceptions being my daily walk whenever the rains stop, or at least lessen. i’m hunting for an internship, but in the meantime i do have things to keep me busy, including some online volunteering with reaching hearts for kids. we just added another country to our work – the democratic republic of the congo. we are going to finance a newly built school and orphanges’ much needed access to water. until i did a little reseach on it, i had no idea how many name changes this country had gone through. but i did know that this is a place where, in some areas at least, brutality towards women and children is a daily occurrence. it’s going to take a lot to stop such insanity, but providing orphans and disadvantaged children with education and a future is certainly one part of it.